The last time I wrote was on Jonah’s birthday. That was almost 2 months ago! What have I been doing for all that time? Well, I’ve been growing Jonah’s little sibling <3.
In mid-January, we found out that I was pregnant. While it was exactly what we wanted, it was a pretty big emotion bomb. Not only was it almost Jonah’s birthday, but finding out you’re pregnant (especially after loss) is pretty nuts. I was definitely happy, but also terrified.
I had a really early positive pregnancy test, so I spent the first week and a half or so just letting it soak in, without making any doctor appointments or plans. It was just me and baby and Colin, soaking up the love and celebrating our Jonah’s birthday.
The first couple months of pregnancy were not easy for me. Although I’ve heard a lot about how each pregnancy is often different for other women, I started experiencing the same symptoms that I had with Jonah. I didn’t talk much about my first couple months of pregnancy with Jonah because, well, the rest of pregnancy trumped it by far, but it was not at all fun. I felt equally terrible daily with this pregnancy, with the added anxiety and jumble of feelings that comes with pregnancy after loss.
Being pregnant for me means being nauseous almost all day, every day, and gagging all the time when I move around. It gets worse at night, meaning I didn’t feel like doing anything but lie on the couch by the time the clock hit 4:00. I threw up only a couple times, but it’s the constant nausea that made life difficult. Being stuck inside the house started making me feel isolated and like a useless lump, and I didn’t know how I’d get through it.
Despite feeling terrible for nearly two months, here I am on the eve of week 14, feeling SO much better. I feel human again! Sure, I have the lessened energy and occasional bouts of nausea, but I can function more like a human being. Whew! I really don’t know how I got through all of that. It honestly makes me wonder how I’ll do this again someday….but, for now, I’m trying not to think that far ahead.
In fact, I’m trying not to think ahead really at all. I think about today and tomorrow, and I don’t let future scans and hurdles lodge themselves in my daily thoughts. Being 14 weeks along means our weekly scans will begin in just two weeks, but for now, I’m growing this baby and it’s week 14 and as far as I can tell, all is well.
I’ll be updating this blog regularly (at least, that’s the plan) with how I’m doing and how this pregnancy is going. I know I have a whole army of people behind me, hoping for the best, and that really does help. I’m hoping you’ll follow along here, and feel all the Jonah love and all the little sibling love <3
In a nutshell, here are the facts about this pregnancy:
- Heart block recurrence chance: 20%
- Chance that all will be well: 80%!
- I’m taking part in a heart block study out of NYU Langone, the same place we collected for and donated to in Jonah’s name. The study is for a drug called Plaquenil, which I was already on with Jonah, but the hope is that it’ll decrease recurrence chances by another 10% or so.
- We’ll have weekly scans from week 16 to 26, then bi-weekly ones through the end of pregnancy.
- I asked my doctor straight up to give me the week where a baby could be diagnosed with heart block and survive. He said 30. Mid to late 20s is gray area. Earlier than that is just a terrible prognosis.
- We are cautious but hopeful, and doing our best to relieve anxiety.
Thank you so much for all the well wishes we’ve already gotten. It means a lot to us to have so much support.