It’s practically unbearable. The commercials, the social media posts, the signs…it’s everywhere. It’s a dark cloud, enveloping me in grief. The woman who made me a daughter is not here, nor is the son who made me a mother. I feel them with me and carry them in my heart, but they’re not physically here, and I miss them both more than I can explain with words.
So, naturally, the upcoming holiday is already causing tears and pain, and I’d prefer to just skip the day altogether. Is that possible? I just want it to be a normal Sunday…I want to read and drink coffee on the deck in the morning, maybe plant some flowers in the afternoon, perhaps work on some of the various projects I have going on…just, normal.
Better yet, maybe I’d just like to sit in the bathtub all day, to the point of major prunage? Or just…drive away? I don’t know what I’ll end up doing, but all of these things sound very enticing. I just want to be with myself, and maybe my husband, and thoughts of my loved ones.
I wish I could say I was going to spend the day celebrating the fact that I am a daughter to the most amazing mother, and a mom to the most beautiful son. Maybe, at some point, I’ll think about that. For the most part, though, it just hurts. It hurts a ton.
Thankfully, I’ve already gotten a couple beautiful cards in the mail that make my cry tears of “aaawwwww”. I hope a couple more of those find their way to my mailbox or inbox in the next couple of days, because they are wonderful and so, so thoughtful <3.
This beautiful video by Lexi Behrndt and the TODAY Show does such a beautiful job at showing what this day is like for those of us who carry our babies in our hearts. I’m so, so glad they made it, and I hope that many are able to find comfort in the fact that people are acknowledging all of us invisible moms this weekend.
I’d be curious to know, if you’re reading this and you’re a loss mom or invisible mom, what will you be doing on Mother’s Day?