I am working on healing my broken soul, and there’s something you should know about that: it’s a full-time job.
You know how, when you have a stressful day or week, you’re really tired afterward? Grieving is like that…on steroids. I’m up, I’m down, I’m in between. I never know when the next spike or dip will happen. It’s like one of those rides that drops you suddenly, without warning, and you can’t get off. In short: I am tired.
Actively working on healing means allowing those dips and spikes to happen, and even embracing them. I’ve always been fairly well in control of my life, so this is hard. Feelings don’t wait for convenient times, nor do they avoid public situations. They come any time, any place. If I try to control them, I don’t heal.
Side note: You should probably go look up the hashtag #cryingintarget on Instagram/Twitter. People do it a lot.
So, when I’m crying, I’m healing. When I’m laughing, I’m healing. When I’m angry, I’m healing. When I’m shopping at Target, I’m healing. I’m in a constant state of healing, with some backwards slides thrown in for good measure.
It’s really hard to give in to all of my emotions, but when I do, I get the most healing out of them.
To give you an idea of my emotions, here’s a graph for your viewing pleasure:
I think we can all agree at this point that I am an amazing artist. One of my many talents
THAT is what my healing looks like. So, to those of you who are here with me through all these ups and downs and curl-arounds, thank you. Also, a special thank you to my therpist, who patiently listens to my crazed ramblings and somehow manages to make sense of them.
Side/end note: I love therapy. I think we should all go to therapy, because it’s awesome self care. It’s like a band-aid for the misfiring synapses in your brain.
Did I mention I’m also a great brain doctor? I forget what they’re called…
Love to you all,